Here We Go Again

How's that saying go? Life comes at you fast, or hard, or something? I really don't know how it goes, and am far to lazy to look it up. Sue me.

When I turned 36 six months ago, I tried to reflect on the last 18 years of my life and figure out how I got here. I feel most people in their mid to late 30's begin to have those reflections. You realize you are far closer to 40 than you are to 21 and you start to ask all those big questions you really want to avoid. I reflect back on the girl I was when I was 18 and all her dreams that never came true, and ask myself the what ifs that will never change the sands of time, and I have no way of knowing if my life would have been better or worse if I had gone down that different path.

I was mostly proud of what I achieved but knew that I wanted so much more. I was unmarried and had no kids, and still lived at home with my mom. I had a decent job and made decent money, but the pandemic had made me restless and I felt too grounded. Pre-pandemic me loved to travel and explore and spend ungodly amounts of money on clothes and concert tickets, and I wanted her back. I also wanted to write. I had finally gotten a degree in English of all things and wanted to explore who I was outside of an academic setting.

A couple of years ago an old friend did one of those 30 before 30 bucket lists, and I thought, I know. . .40 before 40. I will sit and write down 40 things I want to do before I turn 40 and that will fulfill any restlessness I have.

The problem was, despite having a great idea, I had no clue what forty things I wanted to do before turning forty. Get my drivers license (I know, sue me), cool that's one. Thirty-nine to go. I was blank. I had nothing. Find a soulmate? That's something I could reasonably do in four years, despite the fact that I've yet to find one in the previous 35 years of my life. I could definitely buy that 5 acre farm on the outskirts of town, (that was kind of in the country but still close enough to town that I could still call myself living amongst civilization) with my 60k a year job, and little to no credit. Not completely impossible in this economy, right?

Of course then the unthinkable happens. I get fired from my decent job with little to no warning, four days before Christmas (I'm truly not bitter). And that is just not a great thing to go through for someone suffering from high anxiety and depression (see, no license above). After panicking, and attempting to not let my family know as to ruin everyone's holiday, true reflection began. Jack you've been working for 18 years straight, and literally have nothing to show for it. So do you start all over again in a new career, or wing it?

Oh GOD. . . I'm winging it.

I'm going to be 40 in 3 1/2 years. So, instead of trying to figure out 40 meaningless things I want to do before 40, I'm going to do the two things I truly like doing. Writing, and exploring. I love exploring this world, and one thing I can definitely do is find 40 places on this earth I've never been to and write about my adventures there and along the way. And while I'd love to find some followers which is the whole point of starting this blog, this blog is also for me. It'll be the therapy that I no longer have a job to pay for. So join me, or don't (please do, I really want people to read this, thanks), but these are my adventures. And I'm excited to see where they take me.

Also, side-note, I got my driver's license this week, so I'd say I'm crushing it.

All the best. . .Jack.